release - Poem 52

release

I gave you a gift, the only thing in this world that was truly my own,
for a time you held it close to you, you kept it safe and watched it grow,
it bloomed right before your eyes, the gift kept giving of itself, ever loving,
this gift, my heart. gave it without hesitation, without a worry or qualm.

life happened and it tore us apart, to this day I regret my actions but I know,
I know that I cannot take them back, even if I did the trust we had is no longer,
to hold something against you would be a waste, becuase I too am responsible here,
what I did, I did..not you..the same applies in reverse, you did what you did, it's okay.

it hurts, the little pangs still live within me, and I still feel an emptyness,
feels like within me there is something missing, something that I should have but don't,
this has taken me this long to figure out, I gave you a piece of me and you still own it,
each day that passes I find a way to dispell the pain, and each day it weakens a lil.

still..those pangs, they are here within me, still that emptiness resides within my being,
days turn to weeks turn to months and life goes on without consent from the one who lives it,
slowly my head rises, it looks about and realises it is time, it is time to join my life again,
hidden away in a waking nightmare, I could not look to the world outside, I couldn't.

it is time to open my eyes, it is time for this nightmare to end just as abruptly as it began,
I will never forget the cold afternoon in December when it started, that will stay with me,
a reminder of what my rage does, a warning sign..I'm sorry I had to hurt you, I didn't want to,
I promise to do my best not to repeat it, this promise to you I will not break, I won't do it.

Sarah, I present to you a gift..
what I hold in my hands you once gave to me..
I broke it, I mangled it, but I have repaired it the best I can..
Sarah, I present to you a gift.. a gift of your heart.

I ask one thing of you,
this thing only you can give me,
asking you is the hardest part,
as I break a promise in doing it.

it has been seven months from the first,
many words spoken in that short time,
in this, my final poem to you I ask,
I ask simply, for that gift given.

Sarah, I ask for my heart,
I promissed you it was yours,
yours to keep for eternity,
but I must do this now.

I break this promise now,
I gave a gift to you,
I find now that I can't live,
I can't live without my heart.


Sarah, I ask you to release my heart.




Eric Shinn (aka Kyree Eamon)
January 22, 2002